Cherry flavored tears

Wow. So this is it. My first post on a blog that I hope will change my life. My thoughts are tripping over each other trying to reach my fingers on the keys because there are so many things I want to tell the world. Here goes. We'll start at where I am now and what I hope to do here.

 

Where am I?

Not physically, but in my life. I just came out of a REALLY bad headspace where my mind was convinced that breathing was unnecessary, and that many lives would have been much more perfect if I had never existed. That being said, I never wanted to hurt myself, I just really wanted to sleep until all of the demons ran away.

 

SO now I'm in a good place. I've showered and washed all of the demons off my back, I've made plans for something to really look forward to, I've ordered a good portion of a new wardrobe to help me make a change and I'm starting a diet and workout plan to get rid of this tummy and feel like the elven Amazonian warrior that I am. Wish me luck on the shoe front...

 

What do I want to do here?

I'm glad you asked. A few things. I would like to share my journey through therapeutic corseting with you. As you've read my emotional state is a bit weird, and I have some sensory issues, but the pressure from corsets is quite relaxing when it's done right. Also, I have some SERIOUS back problems, but wearing a corset for a while seems to straighten most of them out for days. I ordered 8 corsets for my birthday recently and when they come in I would love to do a fashion show for all of you to kick off my life change.

 

I would also like to talk about mental disorders and what they do/feel like. I feel like documenting my journey where someone can see might help someone in the future who sees things from my end of this never-ending tunnel of torture. Eventually I'll get diagnosed, but for now we'll just say I'm bipolar and depressed with a wonderful added anxiety chemical. Between that and the extreme chronic pain I deal with, my lows are very VERY low, but when I do hit a high point in my life I purposefully let it fill me up because when I'm happy there's nothing else I'd rather do than just soak it in.

 

As I've said before, I'm going to change my life from top to bottom. I'm going to try to stay the same person, but skim off all of the bad parts of myself, especially this muffin top I got going on. I'm going to do some research on some ways to help it, and find some low impact workouts that really help me melt off these pounds so I can feel and look on the outside like I want to see myself in my head. I'll be dying my hair at some point, maybe cutting it, changing my wardrobe, slowly adapting my attitude, finding a "faith system" I believe in, and just overall trying to remove all of the obstacles between me, and contentedly reaching my goals in life!

 

Finally, I want to be an interpreter, and I want to start sharing these things with SOMEONE without talking the ears off my family and friends. So get ready, because this is my new diary where I talk about the good, the bad, the ugly, and the awkward. This is where I share the world inside each dragon tear. Thanks for joining me. I'll start by setting a goal to update twice a week, and we'll go from there.

 

Arigatou!!